2010 Appellate Song Lyrics Results

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First Place

"Don’t Stop Appealin’"
by Amy Saberian of George & Brothers, L.L.P.
(A personal theme song written to the tune of "Don’t Stop Believin’" by the American rock band, Journey)

Just a small town judge
Carryin’ a real big grudge
She grants J-N-O-V
Without any law

Just a city clerk
Acting like a stupid jerk
Rejecting a fi·ling
Without any law

The twelve folks in a jury room
The smell of Bud and defendants’ doom
Verdict damage blanks all filled in
They go on and on and on and on.

Parties hoping...
Someone can help them out now
Needing someone to make it right---
Nerdy people
Livin’ just to find good caselaw
Briefin’ to set all things right ---------

Workin’ hard, I bill, bill, bill
Using my appellate skills
Pay my fees for your chance in court
Just one more time

One will win
One will lose
We’ll just let the panel choose!
Hope that our case is "pet. grant"
It’ll go on and on and on and on...

Parties waiting…
Hope they preserved their error
When the o·pin·ion comes to light! ---
Nerdy people
Lovin’ esoteric footnotes
Searchin’ Westlaw late at night---------

[guitar solo]

Don’t stop appealin’
It’s judicial healing
Nerdy people oh oh oh ---------
Don’t stop appealin’
Brief on ---------
Nerdy people Oh oh oh ---------
Don’t stop appealin’
It’s judicial healing



Second Place

"Friends in De Novo Places, a Petitioner’s Refrain"
by Gerald McMillan
(To the tune of "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks)

Shoulda’ won my lawsuit.
had supportin’ statutes,
but your ruling, it was a nightmare.
A flick of your robes,
and I’m in judicial limbo,
how could you make so many clear err’s?
You turned a blind eye,
to the law that applies,
treated precedent with disdain.
So I’m going up to
a court of higher review,
for relief I need to obtain!

Oh, I’ve got friends in de NO-vo places,
where the rulings have a legal basis,
and there’ll be hell to pay,
for the mistakes you’ve made.
I still care ‘bout stare de-say-sis,
you just can’t ignore my CI-ted cases,
cuz I’ve got friends, in de novo places.

You know you were wrong,
I met every prong,
I needed to meet for my cure.
Now my briefs are airtight,
and soon I will right,
the blunders that you’ve made in scores.
Oh you should have foreseen,
that I would be keen,
to seek a higher power and then,
well, I’ll be nearby while they all devour,
your opin-yin!

Cuz I’ve got friends in de NO-vo places,
where the rulings have a legal basis,
and there’ll be hell to pay,
for the mistakes you’ve made.
Well I still care ‘bout stare de-say-sis,
you just can’t ignore my CI-ted cases,
cuz I’ve got friends, in de novo places.

You know you were wrong,
I met every prong,
I needed to meet for my cure.
Now my briefs are airtight,
and soon I will right,
the blunders that you’ve made in scores.
You should have foreseen,
that I would be keen,
to give you a lesson to learn.
Justice demands that,
you’re reversed and remanded,
you’ll never be affirmed!

Oh, I’ve got friends in de NO-vo places,
where the rulings have a legal basis,
and there’ll be hell to pay,
for the mistakes you’ve made.
Well I still care ‘bout stare de-say-sis,
you just can’t ignore my CI-ted cases,
cuz I’ve got friends, in de novo places.

Third Place

"In-a-Lotta-A-pe-als (The Justice’s Lament)"
by Rob Ramsey of Langley & Banack
(To the tune of "In-a-Gadda-da-Vida" by Iron Butterfly)

(Introductory Bass Riff)

In a lotta a–pe–als lawyers
Tend to drag on all day
We see more than our share of Faulkner
And not enough Hemingway

Go read Garner or Strunk & Whi–ite
Take the shortest pa–aa–ath
Fifty pages is way too lo–ong 
Trust me, I’ve done the ma–aa–ath
Cut …  it … in ha–alf

(Repeat Bass Riff)

In a lotta a–pe–als lawyers
Tend to hedge on the facts
Once you’ve lost credibility–ee
There’s no gettin’ it back
Go ahead and admit the worst stuff
Swallow it like a pi–ii–ill
You can bet that if you don’t say it
Your opponent wi–ii–ill
You … know … the dri–ill

(Drum solo)

In a lotta appellants’ briefs they
Don’t explain why they’re there
You’ll never get the relief you wa–awnt
If you don’t have a prayer
Spell it out so that we can see it
Help us understa–aa–and
Do you really want us to render
Or just to rema–aa–and?
Tell … us … your pla–an

(Repeat bass riff)