2009 Song Lyrics Contest

First Place: Amy Saberian of George & Brothers L.L.P.
"Read It” (A semi-autobiographical song written to the Supreme Court of
Texas and sung to the tune of “Beat It” by Michael Jackson)

I filed my petition in late June of last year
It’s been fourteen months, are you even there?
My client calls all day wonderin’ if there’s a thing to hear
Didya read it, just read it.

I go to all the CLE’s and they do what they can
Tellin’ me all about that “conveyor belt” plan
I think it’s all a hoax, there’s just a trash can
So read it…but you still won’t say “grant".

Just read it, read it, read it, read it
Why wait ‘til the Leg super-sedes it
Read all my issues, read every cite
Tell me I’m great, CA’s wrong and I’m right
Just read it, read it
Just read it, read it
Just read it, read it
Just read it, read it – oh!

I always check the website, fifty times a day
Hoping they’ll be some news, oh for that I pray
I’m broken by noon each and every Friday
Didya read it, just read it

Now I’ll admit that what I want from you
Is request for argument so I can act like a boob
Then my video rants will show up on YouTube
So read it…but you still won’t say “grant

Just read it, read it, read it, read it
The jurisprudence really needs it!
Read all my issues, read every cite
Tell me I’m great, the CA’s wrong and I’m right

Just read it, read it, read it, read it
By now I barely care if you defeat it
Read all my issues, read every cite
Tell me I’m great, the CA’s wrong and I’m right

Just read it, read it, -- read it, read it
Read it read it – read it read it
Read it read it

[guitar solo]

Read it, read it, read it, read it
Shadow docket show your secrets…
Read all my issues, read every cite
Tell me I’m great, CA’s wrong and I’m right

Just read it, read it, read it, read it
By now I barely care if you defeat it
Read all my issues, read every cite
Tell me I’m great, the CA’s wrong and I’m right

Just read it, read it,
Why wait ‘til the Leg super-sedes it
Oh no…
Read all my issues, read every cite
Tell me I’m great, the CA’s wrong and I’m right
Just read it, read it, read it, read it, read it
By now I barely care if you defeat it
Read all my issues, read every cite
Tell me I’m great, the CA’s wrong and I’m right

[fade out]

Second Place: Reagan Simpson of King & Spalding
"The Appellate Rules of Texas"
(Sung to the tune of “The Yellow Rose of Texas”)

First Verse

The Appellate Rules of Texas are going to make my fee.
No trial attorney knows them, they’re used by nerds like me.
I’ve read them very carefully, I know them all by heart.
Armed with O’Connor’s rule book, I can always play my part.

Chorus

They’re the greatest little court rules that Texas ever knew.
With Bryan Garner’s edits, they’re plenty pithy too.
You may talk about your FRAP rules, and praise them gleefully,
But the Appellate Rules of Texas are the only rules for me.

Second Verse

When the trial court’s making error at the other side’s request,
The Appellate Rules of Texas I hold closely to my chest.
I know that they will save me when I cite them on appeal.
My client will be happy, when a reversal has been sealed.

Chorus

They’re the greatest little court rules that Texas ever knew.
With Bryan Garner’s edits, they’re plenty pithy too.
You may talk about your FRAP rules, and praise them gleefully,
But the Appellate Rules of Texas are the only rules for me.

Third Verse

The Rules sure come in handy in perfecting my appeal.
When checking fonts and deadlines, I turn to them with zeal.
They tell me what relief to seek and how to ask for writs.
With the Appellate Rules of Texas, I’ll never call it quits.

Chorus

They’re the greatest little court rules that Texas ever knew.
With Bryan Garner’s edits, they’re plenty pithy too.
You may talk about your FRAP rules, and praise them gleefully,
But the Appellate Rules of Texas are the only rules for me,

Third Place: Justice Gina M. Benavides and Rob George, Briefing Attorney, Thirteenth Court of Appeals
"Judicial Ops Ops Baby"
(Sung to the tune of “Ice, Ice, Baby” by Vanilla Ice)

Yo, COA, Let’s kick it!
Ops Ops Baby
Ops Ops Baby
All right stop
Adjudicate and listen
Judge is back with a reverse and rendition
Supremes, grab a hold of me tightly
Wantin’ to reverse me daily and nightly
Will it ever stop?
Yo--I don’t know
Wait for the elections, and I’ll know
To the extreme I rock a gavel like a vandal
Light up a bench and wax a chump like a candle.
Judge
Bum rush the speaker that looms
I’m squashin’ your argument like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly, when I apply a dope analogy
Anything less than your best is a felony
Cite it or quote it
You better gain way
You better hit bull’s eye
The Court don’t play
When there is an issue
Yo, I’ll solve it
Check out the record while my staff resolves it
Ops Ops Baby Judicial (4X)
Now that the election is jumping
With the candidates kicked in, the contenders are stumpin’
Quick to the point, to the point no faking
Cooking PC’s like a pound of bacon
Burning ‘em, if they ain’t quick and precedential
I go crazy when I hear a majority
And a reverse, with some souped up lingo
I’m on a roll and it’s time to go solo
Rollin in my dissent MO
With my raging logic, you know I flow
Appellee’s on standby

Arguing waiver just to say Hi
Did I stop?
No--I just wrote on
Kept on, pursuing to the next line
I bust an issue and I’m heading to the next one

That issue’s dead
Yo--so I continued to reverse or rendition, which one should I do?
Render is hard cuz the trial is over
Remand is better cuz they get a do-over
Zealous, my lawyers take their time
Brandy and Rob kickin A all the time

Reading, for the clients on the wall
The clients are acting ill because they’re scared of losin, ya’ll
Osler’s e-mail ranged out like a bell
I grabbed my berry--
All I heard were yells
Grumblin on the fifth floor real fast
Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas
Bumper to bumper, my mood is sour
I’m tryin to get away to the happy hour

It’s four on a Friday
You know what I say
At four o’clock, yahoos file mandamus
When there is an issue
Yo, I’ll solve it
Check out the record while my staff resolves it
Ops Ops Baby Judicial (4X)
Take heed, ‘cause I’m a judicial poet
Brandy’s on the scene just in case you didn’t know it
My town, that created all the precedent
Enough to strike and poke holes in the argument

‘Cause my style’s like a lyrical reel
Feasible opinions that you can vision and feel
Conducted and formed
It’s a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to work with us
Thirteenth plays on the fade, argues like a ninja
Writin’ like a razor blade, so fast
Other Courts say, “Damn”
If my opinions were a drug
I’d sell it by the gram
Keep my composure when it’s time to get loose
Magnetized by the pen while I kick my juice
When there is an issue
Yo--I’ll solve it!
Check out the record while my staff resolves it
Ops Ops Baby Judicial (4X)
Yo man--let’s hand this down!
Word to your mother!
Ops Ops Baby Too Cold

Ops Ops Baby Too Cold, Too cold (3X)


 

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