2008 Song Lyrics Contest

First Place: The Chambers of the Honorable Justice Gina M. Benavides
J. Gina Benavides, Brandy M. Wingate, and Vikrant P. Reddy

That's Right, You're not from Texas—Ode to a Special Appearance
(To the tune of "That's Right, You're not from Texas" by Lyle Lovett)

You say you're not from Texas
Man as if I couldn't tell
You think you'll file a special appearance
And plaintiff goes to hell
So pardon me my laughter 'Cause I sure do understand
Even Justice Brister got excited When you waived your argument man
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
But Texas wants you anyway
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
But Texas wants you anyway

See I practice law in Texas
And it means so much to me
Though my client comes from down in Georgia
I'll file her case here, you see
And as we were driving to the courthouse
She asked me baby what's so great
How come you're always going on About your Lone Star State
I said that's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
But Texas wants you anyway
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas But Texas wants you anyway

You got to file a motion first thing
Get a hearing on the fly
Wallet grew larger in my pocket
As the trial court said, "denied"
Those boys from Carolina
Singing due process is the thing
But when they came on down to Texas Page 5 — The Appellate Advocate
We all showed them how to swing
Now Hecht's on the bench
And old Dale's still on the fence
And O'Neill, she's home on her PC
Digging through her precious briefs
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
But Texas wants you anyway
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
But Texas wants you anyway

They're OK in Oklahoma
Up in Arkansas they're fair
But those old folks in Missouri
They don't even know you're there
But at a courthouse down in Texas
That's the finest place to be
The benches, they all look beautiful
Plaintiff's attorney will buy your beer for free
And they'll say that's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
But Texas wants you anyway
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
But Texas wants you anyway

So won't you let me help you Mister
Just make a general appearance
And forget your forum non conveniens
And next time a judge laughs at you
You just tell 'em you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
But Texas wants you anyway
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
That's right you're not from Texas
But Texas wants you anyway


Second Place: Julia Pendery

Amicus Prayer
(to the tune of Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got to Do With it?”)

Now you must understand.
This is not just a rant.
There’s a lot at stake.
Let me lend you a hand.
I am here as your friend
With good law you should make.
Here’s the principle,
Purely logical
As long as I win,
let the parties eat cake.
What’s law got to do with it? (got to do with it)
What’s law in an industry crisis?
What’s law got to do with it?

You must learn to get over that stare decisis.
As your friend I must say,
if you do it that way,
then the sky will fall.
I’m not here for myself,
but my clients need help.
Why not fix it for all?
There’s a name for it.
There’s a phrase that fits.
Use some obiter dicta
to answer my call.
What’s law got to do with it? (got to do with it)
What’s law when it’s my ox you’ll be goring?
What’s law got to do with it? (got to do with it).

You know that I’m right, so you can’t call this whoring.
I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout a new opinion
you’ve the power to write, as you should.
I know this Court is your dominion,
but would it hurt you to make me look good?
What’s law got to do with it? (got to do with it)
What’s law when I helped with your financing?
What’s law got to do with it? (got to do with it).
I know I’ve cried wolf but this time it’s the real thing


Third Place: Morgan Broaddus

The Supreme Court Gavel
to the tune of “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” by the Beatles

Ever since tort reform, zero verdicts are the norm,
Defendants always win.
Taking food away from the injured,
Making them thin.
Then one day in Court, a verdict Southwest would report –
Justice for a change!
Mental anguish in the six figure range-ay-ay-ay-ange --
Affirmance by the Court of Appeals –
Just one more court to go!

Chorus:
Bang! Bang! The Supreme Court gavel
Came down upon my head
Clang! Clang! The Supreme Court gavel
Made sure my case was dead

Found fault with the jury charge, said the verdict was too large
Took it all away.
None of the jury’s damages got to stay-ay-ay-ay.
Error, error everywhere! I’m in the Court’s reversal snare!
Let my verdict be!
Out the window goes my contingent fee-ee-ee-ee!
Filed my Motion for Rehearing,
Now all I can do is sing ….

(repeat chorus)

Johnson, Brister, Hecht and Green, how could your Court be so mean?
Now I’m broke again
Don’t you ever let any plaintiff win –in –in –in in?
Dale and Harriet, the burden I did carry it
Reconsider, please.
Do not make me beg on my hands and knee-ee-ee-ee-ees
An Opinion posted online,
Now all I can do is whine ….

(repeat chorus)


 

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